i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just googled if crying burns calories
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
