Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
