Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
