I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
