Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
