You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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