FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
