i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
