I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm always down for nudity.
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