Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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