On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
