using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
