just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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