there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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