I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize