Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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