If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
