The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize