Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize