so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
