she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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