I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
