well you can't waste a boner
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize