Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
