I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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