3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
