Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize