Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
