Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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