What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
