We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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