the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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