i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My bed smells like the plague
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
