She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
