i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize