I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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