I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
