Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let's get the cat blown out
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
