i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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