I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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