yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
