I skipped work to stalk him.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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