operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
