You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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