i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
