You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
