How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
