why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
