i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
