how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
