Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
