Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and she was petting her beer can
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
