i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
