it hurts more in the daytime
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
