just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
