I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
