You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
