...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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