One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
