If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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