she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
