we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
