Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
