she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
