Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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