I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
