I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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