So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
