I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
