Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
