so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
