also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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