So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
