i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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