billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
