My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
