my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
