He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just cropdusted the office
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize