the day after is always just damage control
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
