If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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