i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
