...so i touched it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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