Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
