I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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