i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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