I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
