No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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