I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You ruined the universe
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
