I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
