yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
