I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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