apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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