I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
